I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
