vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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