why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my shit smells like andre
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize