i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
