don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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