she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
