i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
