Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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