dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
