y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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