Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
