One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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