a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
