well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
