I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize