She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
