i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
