So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
