You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
