i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
