No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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