Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
