I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
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