U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
