I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
