k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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