I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
