I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
