Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
