went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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