Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize