Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
