I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
