I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bring me that man meat
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
