Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
