Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Sorry about my life...
All the doctor said was why
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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