i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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