my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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