I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
