I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
