I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
