I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
