Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
