What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
