I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
