so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we made out on top of his cat.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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