Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
