I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I still have a little drunk in my system
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
