1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
