dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
