Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
