the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize