Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
