John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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