walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
