I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
