you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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