I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
