so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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