remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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