MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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