i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
