He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
