nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
