it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
