Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize