if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
