I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
How does one acquire holy water?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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