just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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