You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
