today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
