i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
