listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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