im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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