my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
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