oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
